The following paragraphs are pretty random/rough. I wrote what I felt when I could for the past few weeks and this is what came of it… enjoy!
An excerpt from a fellow SASer’s letter:
How many seconds does it take to not answer the question, “how was semester at sea?” It takes as long as a blank stare takes. As long as it takes to let every country and ocean and mountain and conversation and dream and lesson and laugh and tear and embrace and souvenir and friendship and memory to flash before your mind before you respond with an empty, “it was good.” What will you feel when you stop feeling the rocking of the ocean. Why can’t you sleep? All you want to do is sleep. Sleep away the missing. The fatigue. The anxiety. The sadness. The depression. Sleep away the reality of being on land for more than six days. Sleep so you can dream. Dream about the past. Dream about the future. Dream about your friends who are all so far away. Dream about your cabin bed. Dream. Just Dream. Any dream other than the awakeness of reality.-
The evening after I disembarked from my home, the MV Explorer was probably one of the hardest nights in a very long time. I had never felt so alone, so out of my comfort zone (a weird thought since I was, afterall, in my home country). I was desperate to find an SAS friend, to find someone who understood what I was going through. I ended up journaling into the night about what I was feeling. These are a few excerpts:
“we arrived in Miami today. It is weird to say the least – to be back for good. I had to say goodbye to my best friends which was not fun at all. I felt like I just wanted to cry but at the same time I couldn’t because I was/am happy to be home (right?)…”
“the letter that the lady gave me pretty much sums up how I am feeling right now. No one understands and I think that’s why I feel like I’m pretty much going to explode. I feel like I have so much to say and so much to tell but no one cares or wants to hear or finds any worth in what I’m saying… I find it really hard to connect with/explain stories that I tell family and friends – no matter how hard I try, they just won’t get it which sucks on both ends because they won’t fully understand, and I can’t fully share with them because of that difference.
“I just want somebody to understand, I want somebody to get it, I want somebody to relate to.”
The night before we arrived in Miami the shrinks on board had a debriefing time where they warned us of everything that we would face coming back to life on land. To be honest, I really did not feel any need to go. Me, being the "mature" person that I am, I knew how to deal with everything and besides the whole weirdness of being home was NOT going to happen to me… there is no way! However, since I have now been home for some time, I can assure you that I was a complete idiot for thinking that way and I really wish I would have prepared myself better for this huge change. Being back in Porterville, is, as you can imagine, a HUGE let down after travelling the world. However, I completely saw myself bouncing up and down to be home and see everyone again.
With none of my SAS friends around me to talk to and to share experiences with, I have found it very difficult to… live. The ship, the crew, the countries, the friends, the ocean has been my life for the past four months and I am not sure how to go back to this so called “reality.” To me, the past four months were reality. The poverty in India, the disease in Africa, the orphanage in Mauritius – to me those ARE reality. I struggle with the fact that when I explain to someone what I have been doing for the past 4 months they implement the word “cruise.” Sure we were on a ship and did sail around the world (like ships do) and some people might still say it was a cruise. I however, see it as an experience in which my life was forever changed. I cannot even begin to tell you how much I have learned about each country, each culture, the world, the ocean, my friends, and most importantly myself. The knowledge that I have attained in the past four months is one of the best gifts I have ever been given. One of the greatest lessons I have learned however, was not from any classroom, or any country specifically. I have simply learned to live. LIVE. Second by second, century by century. One world, a world apart, just live.
I can honestly say that my experiences on Semester at Sea have truly changed and moulded me into the person I am now. I have a new appreciation for my country, a new knowledge and attachment to all the countries I have visited, and, as you might have imagined a passion for travel. As I finish this final SAS blog, it is nearly a month after my disembarkation… and life goes on. I still have my days where I just want to be in cabin 3066 or cabin 4131 with Anna and Kelli. There is no doubt that I will always miss being able to have dinner on the 5th at 6 or go lay out after class or be in one county today and another in 2 days… but those crazy memories are what keep me sane. I couldn’t have had a better time. I am so grateful to have had this opportunity!
Love love love
Cherie
PS. You never know what I might do next… this blogging thing… I kinda like it! :)
SAS Spring 2008
-26,605 Nautical miles (30,616 statute miles) on a voyage around the world
-734 students
-109 days
-13 countries
-4 continents
-1 life changeing experience
2 comments:
I'll be praying for you my friend...I can't even imagine how difficult it would be to transition from such an amazing, life-changing experience to normal, everyday life. And yes, you should keep blogging! I'll definitely keep you "favourited"! =D
Although I was able to greet you both when we arrived at the reunion and when we left I was not able to talk to you about your experiences over the past few months. It's strange, the France family is uniquely well-prepared to understand something of what you are experiencing now, but even in my case, having returned from Bolivia, wow, only a little over two years ago, I feel I missed an opportunity to be, at the very least, a listening ear. I hope that as we relocate to California we might have the opportunity to do a bit more than that.
You now possess a unique insight into the world that is and the reality of some of its multitudes. The challenge of this knowledge, in the words of Bob Weaver, is "What will you do with it?" I hope we can be available to participate in that conversation.
Love,
Nathan, Kimberly and Natalie Mae
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